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| Monet and a kiss...would that ever happen? |
I plucked the gray hair and went to my phone. If I was to die prematurely, I had to leave a will and a love letter to my few friends. As a will, I had credit card debts that were thrice the amount of all the money I had in all my accounts combined. The debt, I figured, I would leave to my parents and brother. They had extracted quite a number of favours to take on my debt. At least that much they owed me. Here is how the letter went:
With a heavy heart I regret to inform you that you can use my "Died an eternal virgin" speech at my own funeral. My descent into old age has begun with the discovery of a gray hair and my father terming it as a deal-breaker to any marriage proposal that should, pray, come my way. [Insert dear friend's name here], you have been a good friend and will likely outlive me. If we do not get a chance to meet before I pass into the bright lights of the Kryptonian ship that will airlift me from this earthly above, know that I have loved you deeply and all my jokes were seriously jokes. My purpose was always to create a camaraderie and I meant you no harm. Sure, sometimes I would look at you with crazy eyes with the expression, "What the HELL?", but it was meant in a good way. I have always kept your best interests in my heart and will continue to do so as I roam in space.
Much love,
Anita
xoxo
P.S. That's the ONLY time I'm using "xoxo" to sign off on a letter.
Obviously, the friends whom I sent it to laughed their asses off. After guffawing a lot, they sympathised with me. They had started graying much earlier than me, they told me. Their parents had also reacted the same way, publicly declaring the hopelessness of ever finding a suitable partner who would accept them, gray hair and mental illnesses included. Did I feel better? Dear Jor-El, no!
The number of gray hair on my head has increased since. As a person who barely cares about her health, I descended further into depression. Would I turn into one of those Garnier women who dyed their hair, turned anorexic, and then found their confidence? Or would I instead take a stand like Nafisa Ali and age gracefully?
Who in sweet Krypton am I kidding? I am nothing like the Garnier models or Nafisa Ali. Some people carry gray hair with swagger. My mom applied kajal on her hairline to hide the grays. My dad ignored it all together. What would I choose to do?
Well, coming face-to-face with your mortality is a vexing situation. I have come close to having my head busted on gravel or being run down by speeding vehicles, but the terror of those situations passed away in a few minutes. This "gray terror" though, that is something I still have trouble coping with. For one, I am not a beef magnate whom guys flock to, so yes, my dating AND marriage prospects have slimmed down. What could I possibly say was the cause of the graying hair? Stress? Depression? Too much shampoo? Fatty food? All of those answers are deal-breakers.
Much like the journey of Middle Earth, there are all sorts of monsters I have to face before I settle down comfortably in the Shire. Oh no, wait. I am Gandalf the Grey, so I am not exactly sure what I will end up doing, or where I will end up. And Gandalf the White is a scary prospect. I don't think I can carry off white hair with Ian McKellen's panache. Sweet Krypton, why can't an anti-aging spider just bite me? That would work better than those fake Olay creams. Those creams are pure bull excrement.
But where can I find a damn radioactive spider...?
