What lies at the core of all this questioning is the very reason for existence. Why? Why not? And for whatever reason, how? How does one keep doing actions that result in a life made relevant? It doesn't matter once we are gone. I want my actions now to result in something in the present. I don't know what to expect in the future, and frankly, I have stopped wishing for a better future. That is a futile way to live a miserable present. What I want to do concerns my present. How do I make living in the now worthwhile?
Many sleepless nights are yet to come and many a dreary day lie ahead.
