Loving to Hate

I don't exactly know when I started using self-deprecating humour to make fun of my situations. I made fun of everything about myself, my intellect, physical appearance, family, clothes, education, hobbies...I left nothing behind. Of course, this poking fun at myself extended to poking fun at other people, making light of their situations and ending up embarrassing them. I've had foot-in-mouth disease and I've tried hard to not do it any more. Keeping my mouth shut has helped in that regard.

But it hasn't stopped.

A lot of things have happened in the past, and things continue to happen. The only way to escape these is by seeing myself as the loser who can't have a good phase. Separating myself into personae like that has helped me carry on in life, pretending as though nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong, seriously. I don't know what you're talking about.

Drifting through life is easy. But it's tough when you have actual ambitions that you want to actually see happen. Now that sucks. But then ambitious me is also such a loser because she is always interrupted by the loser me. Loser me always comes in the way of ambitious me, ensuring that she doesn't spread her wings. Loser me doesn't like to see any part of me succeed. Nice job!

Logical me thinks that this blog has really taken a turn for the worse. I started as a feminist and I've become one of those old cat ladies who dies in her apartment and is eaten by her cats. Funnily enough, enough number of my friends agree with me on that.

Friends...? Who am I kidding. Loser me doesn't have those. That's happy me. And she's not here anymore.

The Hypocricy of Self

Mean bitches don't take advice: good or bad. They do give plenty of it, though.

 

It is always difficult to sit through an "advising for your own good, beta" session. Plenty of people want to give advice because that is all that they are good at. "Do this", "don't do that", "go there", "don't go there", "you'll suffer plenty, you damn bitch", or "you'll burn in hell, for that, you ugly witch". I've heard the "U" and over-18 versions of it all.

Instead of remembering anything useful from school, what we learn is to give advice. Our parents and teachers are excellent source materials who teach us advice methods and its language. As people who have failed in some aspect of life, they "know best". Of course. When you are below 18 25 30 unmarried and living under the good graces of your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, relatives, servants, neighbours, and passers-byes, you do not have much choice. However, when you turn 18, the situation changes drastically.

At 18, the government itself entitles you to give advice. The right to vote gives you the freedom to flaunt your knowledge (or lack) of the right idiot who is fit to lead the country. The right to a driver's license gives you the liberty to advice yourself to park wherever you wish and abuse in any number of tongues, including Klingon (which people will reciprocate). These freedoms come with the fundamental duty to exploit them. Hail democracy!

The brilliance of giving advice is that you don't need to know or care about the person you're advising. It comes naturally to you after undergoing 18 years of intense conditioning. You can't easily shake off such mental manipulation. It becomes a part of who you are and what you become.

Dear reader, keeping all the above in mind, is it wise to insult my advice-sharing? It is tough to judge oneself before, during, or after advising someone. In fact, it is impossible to even know how and when you switch to "advice mode". But, being a humble person, I have decided to list my hypocrisies and make you all aware of what you are doing in life, and to stop doing it. You aren't benefiting anyone by telling them what to do. We live in a world of idiots who need to insert their fingers in a live socket to understand how electricity works. It's this curiosity that has got us so far up the evolutionary chain. There's no climbing down.

1. "Stop Being My Mother": Being a woman, elder sister, girl friend, girlfriend, best friend, friend, colleague, classmate, and Metro traveller, I hear this phrase almost once every month. Including from my own parents. For all the goth that I tried to imbibe as a teen, this is my biggest failure. I try not to think from my ovaries when I am put in a situation where the only solution I have is a "mom-type answer".
2. "Thanks for the advise": Plenty of times, I have gone on a lengthy monologue and received this response. It's almost always sarcastic in nature. Most people already know whatever you're advising them about. And Google has left no stone unturned. So why do I still feel the tell people again and again about what they should be doing, based on my life's experience?
3. "I don't need you to tell me how to live my life": I love this response mostly because I love saying it all the time I receive advise. A single lady, portly or chubby in nature, and devoid of fair skin or an infectious smile will always receive advise on how to "change her life around". Because that's what she needs: people telling her that she's been living her life wrong all these years. She should have been born looking like Katrina Kaif, with Indra Nooyi's salary, Preity Zinta's smile, Gauri Khan's luck, Marie Curie's brain, and Sonia Gandhi's persistence. Sure, one person can be all that and marry some rando who you think is a "good match"? Would you like some advise on that matter?
4. "You think you know everything?": The answer to that is "Well, obviously!" Friends, and friends who are family, ask me this question all the time. As if! Based on the vast knowledge I've collected over the years, I have the authority to reflect and respond on certain matters that require the level of expertise that I possess.
   Shit, I sound like my elders. Forget whatever I said.
5. "I think you should...": Of course, you should do exactly as I tell you to because my pompous ass is superior to yours. I vomit in my mouth every time I realise I'm saying these words because I have hated being moulded into a "role model". People should be free to choose whoever they want to follow, or not follow. Freedom is free, but getting it so impossible, thanks to all the roadblocks in our way, set by our parents and ourselves.

In conclusion, I have no conclusion. This is a post against advise, and I shall keep it that way. I cannot propagate what I so despise. Do propagate this blog though because I can earn money if you do.