MakeLoveBreakUpHappySnappySadGlad

I have been wanting to do this for a long time. I actually did do it a couple of times too. But since that record is on casettes and my casette player broke down a long time ago, I can't revisit the memories. However, I did get on with the times and moved on to an iPod Touch that I can barely stay away from. It's my soul, it gives me my groove, it helps me get up in the morning and gives me a reason to actually enjoy the 2 hours of traffic each day. Yes, I know. I enjoy the traffic!

Anyways, what I will be doing here is give you a rundown of some of my most memorable songs and the memories associated with it. When it comes to documenting ALL the songs, I'll have to dust my old diaries and look through each entry. I started writing from a young age so you can imagine that I have loads of notebooks (at an average of 2-3 notebooks per year) to browse through. And like my blogposts, all my diary entries are pretty elaborate and filled with emotions, abuses, gossip, and doodles.

But I have to start somewhere. And I'll start from the earliest I can remember. Here goes my "High Fidelity".

1. Train - Drops of Jupiter
I was probably in 6th or 7th when I first heard this song on 102.8 AIR FM Rainbow. The station wasn't called Rainbow then and the frequency was also different. However, they've tried to give it a youthful vibe and I hope it's working for them. Each day, after school, I'd plant myself infront of the stereo and listen to Vandy (Vandana) do an amazing job at RJing and playing the most eclectic mix of music. When I first heard her explanation of the song, I fell in love. With her, space, and Train's unique sound.

I still keep "Drops of Jupiter" on my playlist and I kept it playing in the background when I read the whole of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series. And this way, not only was I reading about space, but my mind was also imagining it through the lyrics. The song was as much about losing yourself out there and getting back on up as each moment of life has been. It also made me a space junkie. For lack of a clear view of the sky in the city, I sufficed to reading about space in books, magazines and online.

I haven't heard any of Train's songs apart from this and two more, and I'd like to keep it that way. I'd like to not spoil my love of Train, as it was with John Mayer.

2. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing

The sheer innocence of this song melts my heart not only because of this video, but also the dreamy vocals and sounds. As I held someone's hand, I fell in love with the one who was singing this song. Though his vocals were nowhere near the pitch Chris Martin reaches, at least he got all the chords right. It was the shortest love of my life, lasting only till the drive home. With the wind in my hair and the early morning sun on my face, I prayed to "just curve away" with you. It was a perfect day.

3. The Beatles - All You Need Is Love
Some day, when we finally achieve world peace, I would like this song to be played across the globe.

Lennon's "Imagine" has this sombre tone which is good if you want to make people cry. I want people to love each other. If I'm sad, play me this song and I'll perk up.

4. Dana Fuchs & Martin McCoy - Don't Let Me Down
When I gave this song to someone special, I asked them to do exactly as the song says. I was in love and very happy with it. But it wasn't to be. They went ahead and let me down.

Though I'm not sad, this song did help me move on. The mad feeling that you acquire when you love someone that you're willing to mould your life to fit theirs, you do what pleases them, and you put yourself second. Been there, felt that pain but I'm not quitting either. The song is written with this hopelessness in love, but with a punch 'coz the writer has his guard up. I like The Beatles version too but it's just the vocals in this one that get me every time.

5. James Morrison & Nelly Furtado - Broken Strings

I haven't heard much--or any--other song of both artists except for this one. And as I said before, this ignorance has helped me preserve the memory of the song. What I love when I listen to this song is the stretch in Morrison's voice as he sings the part "The truth hurts and the lies worse/How can I give anymore?" in the first part of the song. Tugs straight at the heart strings.

6. Nada Surf - Inside of Love
The first time I heard the song on "How I Met Your Mother", I cried. I knew what having an outsider perspective of love felt like. How desperately you try to fit in with those who seem to be in love.

Now I'm never a romantic but I do believe in love and want it to prevail, not just between two people, but in the whole world. This is Nada Surf's best song, and I have heard all their songs. Their version of "All You Need Is Love" is too close to the original but one of the versions I prefer.

Just like "Drops of Jupiter", I kept this song on repeat as I read the whole of the "Percy Jackson" series onscreen. So not only was I contemplating the meaning of love, I was also imagining douchey Greek gods, Cerberus, Tartus and a livid Kronos, and other mythological creatures.

7. Jack Johnson & Eddie Vedder - Constellations
Vedder has this voice that makes me want to make love to it. All the songs of "Into the Wild" were so brilliant! I don't know how he does that. Johnson too has this beachy, Hawaiin voice that is too magical and I can feel the waves tickle my feet each time I listen to his songs. And this collaboration between both of them is just so magical.

The many versions of this song don't do it justice. Listening to this song on repeat makes me want to make love. Only I can't explain why the creator of this video included star maps.

8. Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

Do I even need to explain why this song is here?

9. Gwyneth Paltrow - Landslide

The reason why I prefer this version is because it combines the best of the Fleetwood Mac and Dixie Chicks versions. I relate to this song in so many ways. The apprehension of the future, being afraid of change, not knowing if love will ever come your way. There have been so many moments in life where this song has helped me cope. Maybe sometimes you don't need solutions to problems. Admitting that there are problems is a big enough thing. There have been so many missteps, falls, and warnings throughout my life. And all you need to make things better are classics like this.

10. Sheryl Crow - Sweet Child o' Mine

The only reason why I prefer this version to the original is because of Crow's rustic voice. I do love the original too. Reminds me of all the things that went right in life.

11. The Faces - Ooh La La
This song makes me feel like an old, wise woman.

Don't get me wrong, that isn't bad. I do like to think that when, and if, I age, I age as the granddad in the song. Having spent no time at all with my granddads before they died, I didn't think I was missing something. But when I see my parents miss them, I wonder what it really feels like to be old and miss someone when they're dead and gone. Have I really missed the experiences?

12. Papon - Naina Lagey

I thank the person who introduced me to Papon. Though we can never go back to how things were, I do wonder if things can ever be right. I've called them names, blamed them for ending relationships, and will never know if I can ever truly forgive them. But I do love Papon though. He reminds me of all the good things in the world with his rustic voice which sounds similar to early Hariharan classics.

13. Mumm-Ra - She's Got You High
"500 Days of Summer" had a brilliant soundtrack. And I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel for their works. The first time I heard this song was in the movie.

When I hear this song, I imagine running down streets, running towards something or someone. And it's not a panic-stricken run, it's a longing that I need to fulfill. And can I imagine that I'm running down the high streets of New York? Yes, man!

And now before I include 335 more songs here, I will stop. As Jeremy Clarkson said, his list of top 5 favourite songs include about 300 songs at least. This is the count of my top 5 favourite songs. Each song has a memory attached to it. Each time I listen to them, I evoke the exact moment, my state of mind, the world affairs, and how the song affected me. If I were to do this exercise again a few years down the line, I believe there will be new songs. But I also wish that at least some of the above repeat on that list. All the songs here are such an integral part of my being. They are my dreams, my hopes, my sad moments, the glad ones, and those I can never forget about.

#iluvshahrukh# Is a Crap-Tastic Password, You Loon

If you are offended by the title of this post, please go bang your head against the wall. And if you think that replacing "sharukh" with George Clooney, Katrina Kaif, or your pet Chihuahua's name is smart, please go drown in chullu-bhar paani (palmful of water, for the English-speaking crowd).

There is no privacy anymore. And there's actually no smart-ass in the world anymore. Every smart-ass can be beaten. Which is why you need to be a step ahead.

While I can't gift you IQ points in real life, like vegetable patches in Farmville, I can give you some pointers instead. Passwords are a very personal thing and are unique to individuals. Or at least they should be. For starters, you should be the ONLY person who knows the password(s) to your n number of social networking and e-mail accounts. That's step UNO in protecting your accounts and ensuring safety.

Step DOS is making up a fantastic password. Like I said above, please don't be a fool to think that celebrity names are safe. You're most likely than not bursting to tell people who you "absolutely love from the bottom of your heart for their 'acting' skills". (Yes, I will question the "acting skills" of the above mentioned people--Clooney not so much--still.) If you have bits and pieces of your favourite personalities in your password, change it. Some ways that you can do it are:

1. Use a secret word: You might love to share everything with your boyfriend/girlfriend, but please, for the love of the remaining polar bears in the world, DON'T! Some secrets are better left in your mind. I've enough stories in my arsenal about these very "loved ones" (including fathers and mothers, of course) spying your online activity, SMSes, diary entries, etc., without a sliver of guilt. Which makes it important that you keep some numbers or words to yourself only.

If you love words, you can give yourself a nickname that you make up for yourself. Scandinavian names make fantastic passwords. #ReidarHeart#, #IngvalEdDick_69#, and more creative passwords make unbreakable codes. Or at least will keep the hackers guessing for longer.

2. Use a personal number: If you love numbers, use very secretive numbers. Like your weight, for instance. BMI Indexes make great passwords too. If you're someone with fluctuating weight, keep calculating and changing your password accordingly. However, if you're touchy-feely about your weight, use a number that you wish upon your worst enemy. Or use your birthday but twist them in a way.

Creating codes are easy. As long as you keep the key to breaking them in your head. For instance, if your birthday falls on 18 May 1986, count out the number of letters in each word (8 + 3 + 17) and twist them around.

3. Using characters to the max: There are ample number of characters in the keyboard. Use them to the max. Use them in between two short words, between two numbers, at the start, at the end.... For example, *SRK@suxBg^tym!

Well, I gave you three great ways to protect your passwords. Don't just restrict this to your online usage. It's essential to protect your debit card PIN numbers as well. Once, I was at Ansal Plaza and I had to withdraw cash. I went to the Citibank ATM opposite Meena Bazaar as it's right next to the door. The J&K ATM is some distance. Well let me tell you, Citibank chose the absolute worst spot to set up their machines. My PIN number was violated that day.

The machine is in full view of the crowd on the balcony above. And this spot is filled with idiots wasting their time smelling the hot dog guy smoke frankfurters, or lovelorn lovers touching each other all over. It was three of the very "friendly" idiots who cracked my PIN in a couple of seconds. They could plainly see me enter my number, and then one of them messaged the number on my cell. I was shocked that my "uncrackeble code" had been cracked! And I was humiliated, forced to change my PIN.

Of course my friends didn't want to steal my money. They just wanted me to pay for a hearty meal at McDonald's, but I didn't. People, if you come to Ansal Plaza, avoid the Citibank ATM machine!! Use the J&K Bank ATM which is in an enclosed space with a door and your PIN isn't visible to anyone. And make up a safe-enough password which you don't tell anyone.

Don't treat passwords lightly and keep changing them occasionally. If you think you have a strong password, make combinations of it and keep changing it. Don't stick to one or two passwords for more than a year. I hope that the knowledge I shared here is put to some use. Please feel free to share this with your friends and strangers, if you find it useful.

Update on the Citibank ATM at Ansal Plaza: The machine has now been removed. I guess Citibank had a tough time maintaining their customers' privacy or were just plainly unable to maintain it. Or something like that. I didn't ask them.

Friends Without Benefits (?)

After my post about smart television programming ("I Feel Smart After Watching"), I was confident about watching more TV. Well, let's just say I was being too optimistic in my post.

Now, I am an intelligent person. I've cleared my school and graduation with good enough scores and even flirted with being one of the toppers in class. But I've never been selfish enough to want the first to tenth places in class. I always gave these posts to people who needed it more than me :) I'm such a kind person.

Recently, Sony Pix showed the rom-com "Friends with Benefits". And I have to say that I felt fit to join a nunnery after watching it. I know! A movie about casual sex that makes me pious in my dirty, old mind? The world is coming to an end! APOCALYPSE NOW!

First off, let me tell you what the movie showed. Girl brings guy to town for new job, they become friends, she helps him fall in love with New York (blah blah!), they get drunk one night and make a deal to have sex with no emotions. And this is where the movie started with the actual story. But just as soon as they make this pact, the next scene shows them apologising to each other about the weirdness in their friendship because of the sex.

Wait a  mintue. WHAT? TWO seconds after they make the pact, they've had sex and are apologetic about it? My first thought, who the hell has sex so fast? Even with cinema's exaggeration of time, two seconds of sex is just a bit TOO fast.

And to add more confusion to the viewer, after the apologising scene, the next scene is of the girl's mother talking to a Justin Timberlake in briefs. Mila Kunis comes into the room in a bathrobe, hair in disarray. And the mother starts throwing dirty looks but gives her approval of her daughter's casual sex life.

Wait another firggin' minute! Weren't they just apologising to each other about their awkward sex (which the Indian audience only could imagine had happened), and saying that they won't do it again? Then how come Timberlake was half-naked in her house again? When did they agree to start having sex again? And how much time did it take them? Talk about a quick rebound!

You know how the movie "When Harry Met Sally" had this question about how men and women can't be friends? If you're an Indian watching English entertainment channels on cable or DTH, you better believe it.

You are taught to believe that men and women should be friends till they're forced to marry each other, create a sexual partnership within days of getting married, and squirt out babies! Aarghh! I know my parents, teachers, religion, and society teach me that sex is a sin and pleasure is bad but COME ON! Let me at least watch my movies in peace!

Now, I don't watch porn because I choose not to. It turns me off! When "The Reader" came out, I was curious by the press it was creating about Kate Winslet's Oscar nomination and all, and thought I should see it. However, those who'd seen it said that I'd have to download it as Indian screens would take aeons to release it. (Fact: The movie came out in 2008 but it still hasn't released in India.)

           

Sad to say, apart from the parts where Ralph Fiennes meets her in jail, the courtroom sessions the kid attends, and Kate Winslet's acting when she was wearing clothes; I did not find anything in the movie that was worth the hype and the Oscar. But "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"? Now that was a movie for which both Jim Carrey and Winslet should have been awarded! Brilliant acting, a story that blows your mind, and a message for the weary soul in us that gave up on love after a bad break-up. "Eternal Sunshine..." still haunts me in an absolutely beautiful way, and reassures me that being human is about being human.

The summary of what I started to say in this blogpost is that my morality is my own to monitor. Why should someone impose it on me? Sony Pix should not have screened "Friends with Benefits" at all if it were to remove all the "benefits" parts. Screen more Christian-themed movies, you moralists, and I shall revoke my subscription. Screen animated movies like "The Smurfs", "The Muppets", etc., so that everyone subscribes to the idea of enforced morality endorsed by a handful of religious fanatics!

And give me freedom to download movies, serials, books, documentaries which you don't have the balls to screen in this beautiful country of mine! Don't ban Piratebay, Vimeo, and others. They provide us with avenues of independent, and different thought that few filmmakers in India take on. I can't go back to college to get a taste of parallel or "banned" cinema! I have a job to do in the morning, and my weekends to appreciate the good cinema in the world. Don't force me to criticise your idotic policymaking in my free time! But don't worry, I will still take time to do it :)

Some Questions I Seek Answers For...

Have you ever tried to help people? If you have, have you ever had tomatoes thrown at you by the same people who wanted help? If not, can you tell me how you help people out because my methods clearly don't work!

Me trying to help is often like being alone at sea. Calm for a while, roaring waters later on.

 Time and again, one distraught friend after another has asked me for advise simply because I was the only one present. As an individual, I usually stay away from conflict creation but inevitably find myself at the heart of conflict resolution. Even after wishing to not be in a situation, I end up being in one.

Though this isn't a comment about all my attempts at relationships with boys, this is a view of how terribly I need to learn how to be a more diplomatic person rather than a caregiver.

I have mentioned before that I have made attempts at mending relations between friends who had love troubles, friends who needed an ear to relieve their problems, parents who needed to vent, and teachers who tried hard to change me. As a result of being a confidante for many friends and family, I have all these jumbled up stories in my memory palace. I'm not a fan of gossip in the way Kim Kardashian is dating Kanye now. Nor do I like tales of who's sleeping with whom and how many times. But I do get to hear such stories against my will.

And this is why I need to learn how to develop it the other way round.

I want to tell a friend that she's making a terrible mistake by dating a guy who cheats on her. I want to be able to smack this guy's face, leave a print of my palm on his bony face, and make her realize that he is not the one she's been told to believe is the Mr. Right. She needs to know and understand that I don't want her to waste her time on a futile romance when it holds no future and is based on the idea of "settling down because there's no one else right now."

I also want to tell a hopeless romantic friend that her day will come. Till then she needs to be strong and face all oppositions. Most importantly, she needs to stand strong. She needs to believe in fate and stars if she wants to. She needs to believe in God or a higher power, if that gives her solace. There is someone out there for her is the advise she gets. However, what I want her to believe in instead is that she is a one-of-a-kind gem. I'd love to make her realize that I'm proud of having her as a friend and that all that's happened is in the past. (No amount of cyber-stalking will help her cause.) Till her day comes, I want her to know that she'll have friends like me to support her in any way. And that I love her.

To two of the first people I ever met, I want to tell them that they're together for more than just two reasons: my brother and I. I wish I could make them realise that I would love them more if they made an attempt to understand each other instead of giving in to traditional roles and expectations. Every time a situation arises, I wish they'd talk to each other instead of letting feelings and thoughts fester inside them. In this case though, sometimes I think I need "Age" more than the acquired "Wisdom" to settle them down.

I want to tell someone that I don't love them and have never done so. What happened was idiotic and a mistake. How could I correct it? I don't have a time machine and even that we know doesn't work. (The Time Machine and Big Bang Theory tell us so.) How do I tell this person that I don't require their attention? That I have a life I love which doesn't include them. How do I let this person down easy? How do I prevent them from not being sad?

Looking for answers...

I'd like to tell the world that I need to meet more like-minded people. Why won't you send such people my way? Why do I have to deal with people who don't understand my jokes, who can't help me increase my knowledge, who let me down by being too normal? Why are people I enjoy spending time with so far and away, scattered across the globe? Being one in a crowd is not so fun if you have to stoop down to the level of others. And attempts at making them rise above themselves is always met with derision. Why aren't there any songs about this? I guess if there were songs for this, they wouldn't understand.

These are some of the questions I wanted to get out of the way and into the universe. Universe, now it's your turn to handle them. Of course I need answers. Answers that don't require me going to a remote monastery in the Himalayan mountains and meditating for days. Answers that can be worked upon together, that is, if I don't piss off the people above.

Of Photographs and Memories...

I've always wanted to do a photo essay and have looked at various themes and photos, trying to piece them together into a tale. I found that this is a very time-consuming and painstaking exercise and I need time for it. And since I'm a procrastinator by genetics, I present to you my first closest attempt at a photo essay.

All of these pictures are of Kerala, my home state. While I have many more beautiful pictures and fond memories of the places in Kerala, I thought I'd start with these pictures. They're of my most recent visit (last year). 

Hope you enjoy these as much I enjoyed taking them.

Sunset in Nellambur, Kerala. This was outside the home of a cousin of mine. Nestled between the mountains, Nellambur is an absolute paradise.

This is similar to a lot of roads in Kerala. I just wanted one to remind myself of how country roads compare to city roads. 

If I had to have a house in the lap of nature, I want it to be exactly like this one. Small, beautiful and homely.

Believe it or not, Photoshop brought my grandparents closer after their deaths. They don't have a pic together when they were alive.

Sunset again. I really love sunsets!

Roses planted by my mom.

My nephew Alvin. He's an Australian now.

My niece who's a semi-Kuwaiti.

The veins and branches spread outwards from this more than a century-old tree and provide shade to many a weary soul.

A decorated altar, common to many orthodox churches in Kerala.

One from the flock.

And this is the century-old tree in multicolour.

A church in Manarcad, Kerala

My mother is a nature buff and always wants to pose next to plants or flowers. 

I Feel Smart After Watching TV

And my father would laugh like a hyena then snort in derision like a mad elephant.

Television is famously notorious as the "idiot box" and at times I have felt my brain cells die after watching TV. But not everything on TV's bad. And I want to enlighten you on a couple of show, and the reasons why, I love television.

Let me also say that none of the programmes I'll talk about are Indian.

BBC One's Sherlock
Love it!

This is an intelligent, no-nonsense, British production which puts Sherlock Holmes and James Watson in modern London with wacky and seemingly unsolvable crimes. In the portrayal of the characters, and in the stories, it is very close to the books. As a fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's works, I have to say that this series is as good as the books and short stories. 

I didn't enjoy the Harry Potter or Narnia movies as much as the books. The reason I liked Peter Jackson's "Return of the King" was because the last novel was giving me so much sleep that I never managed to finish Sam's boring narration of his marital life in the very end. (Plus, I was reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy in the middle of my 10th Board exams!) Let's just say Jackson won the last round of the LoTR versus Tolkien for me. The other two books are better than the movies. 

Most other books usually win too. In the case of Sherlock though, there's NOTHING that I don't like and love. The best thing about the series is that it always surprises and shocks you. Which is why when you figure out things in the end, you feel smart. :) Or at least you want to feel so.

The camera is smart, editing is tight, acting is superb and the interwoven stories make it one of the best things ever made. Each episode is as long as a full-length movie and there is NEVER a dull moment. It's just a very very interesting maze of surprises and smartness. I liked Martin Freeman's work before seeing him as Watson, and I'd seen Jude Law's version before this. I was sceptical of Freeman as the trusty Watson because I'd only seen him as a good comic actor. And come on, Jude Law! But he blew me away! And Benedict Cumberbatch! He knocks Robert Downey Jr.'s performance right out of the grounds! The madness, the snide remarks, the plain disregard for people is better portrayed here than in the two Sherlock Holmes movies.

The ONLY downside is, they don't make enough of these in a year. Because each episode is almost an hour and a half long each, they release only 3 episodes each year. And after 6 episodes in two years, I can't wait for 2013 already! I'm at the point of memorizing each dialogue, really!

MasterChef Australia

When you hear "reality TV", you expect cursing, cursing, and a lot of bleeping. Not this. This one makes me smile :)

I know, "smile", right? No other program which involves people under pressure, judges and a big prize should make you smile. People end up cursing and bleeping under pressure and there's always a lot of crying, wailing and blaming someone or the other. This series though, is polite. And I think these three are the only gentlemen judges there ever are going to be!

Watching MasterChef Australia is a delight. The contestants are relatable people with relatable dreams and real enough problems in the way. They need the money and their dreams to succeed. And you want each and every one of them to win. Because they remind you of you.

In two seasons of the show that were aired in India, there was never a curse word, nor a bleep-moment. And I was shocked and repulsed when I attempted to watch Gordon Ramsey's MasterChef America. He just kills my brain cells and blasts my ear drums. I couldn't watch even 5 minutes of the American version. Through the Australian series, I learned more about Australia and a couple of English words. And oh, I also learned some table manners :)

There should be more such shows and movies on TV which cater to the masses (or a set of them) and are worth every penny put into making them. We have smart writers in our country, so why aren't we making smarter TV? Why do we spend years and lakhs of rupees on the bitching of mothers-in-laws of the country? Why do we make regressive television time and again? I used to enjoy Kaun Banega Crorepati till they involved contestants' stories into it. I mean, come on, I used to watch the show just to increase my general knowledge, not cry for some poor bloke and his hardships. We have the saas-bahu serials for crying, don't we!

If you think there are more shows or movies that should find a mention here, that make you smarter and makes your parents shut up by its pure awesomeness, leave a comment. (30 Rock, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Psych, Batman animated series, Dexter's Laboratory....to name a few.) My dad didn't open his mouth once during Sherlock and both my parents are addicted to MasterChef because they don't flinch at each bleep sound as there is none! The bleeps are one reason why I stopped subscribing to MTV, etc., and prefer to download any explicit series, then watch it under the cover of darkness.

More smart TV, I say! That should be a fundamental right.

Why I Support Cottage Industries But Can't Friggin' Afford Them

I support and (insert heart symbol) cottage industries. They're a great way to help communities and local craftsmen, along with preserving art and heritage. Handicrafts are what India and most local communities world over made a living off of. They are windows and doors to our rich, unique, and innumerable cultures. Each handicraft item carries the soul of the creator because you know that some unnamed person's sweat, blood and love went into it.

Which is also why handicrafts and cottage industry items are so expensive!

I am one of those persons who can rock a Batman-print T-shirt with geeky gracefulness and on other occasions, slaughter Indian manners in a salwar kameez. I don't have a particular liking for any type of clothing. Just that I like to wear clothes, sometimes I don't, and I sometimes like buying new clothes. I also like donating my old clothes because I feel my love flowing through it. Each cloth is a story of moments spent in it. Each item in my wardrobe carries wishes, experiences, hopes and comments from the public.

And yes, this article is now veering toward the direction of clothing and this is where some people will switch off. But I assure you there'll be talk of BOOBS! SEX! PORN!

Kidding. That's just me throwing random words. There'll be no talk of the above capitalized words further on in the article.

Going back to handwoven hand-stitched clothes, there's nothing more than a fitted kurta to accentuate my breasts. (Oops!) Girly girls have always told me this and so have my mother and father, but in not such a blatant way. Yes, I've been blessed with good assets. Yes, I kill their "effect" when I hide them under a loose T-shirt. And yes, I get scolded for the same.

Thing is though, I can't always afford to buy or stitch kurtas from materials which are handloom. They cost a bomb. For example, I was in the market looking for a plain white kurta. I looked at a couple of places. I started in W and discovered that the one there cost over Rs.1200. (No freaking way!!) I went to a local shop in Lajpat Nagar's Central Market and the seller showed one for Rs.290. This may not have been pure cotton and was machine-produced in most likely a dingy shop. I went to another store which specialises in Chikan work kurtas, tops, salwars, pajamas, etc. They showed me a couple of options starting from Rs.450 onwards.

Now, like all good etiquettes that mothers pass on to daughters, my mother passed on the love of pearls and Chikan to me. I love anything that is adorned with Chikan craft, and it's one of the few girly indulgences of mine.

But here's a question I should pose to you now before I go babbling more about my love for Chikan. Which kurta would you opt for, and they're all equally beautiful kurtas but with different prices? Would you go for brand, or the cheapest, or for something that carries an old craft tradition of hand stitched perfection and grace?

If you want to know what I opted for, prepare for a lesson in my love for Chikan work! No, I'm kidding.

The reason I went for the not-so-cheap but not-so-expensive-either Chikan kurta is because I can afford to indulge in it right now. When I was in college, I wasn't supporting my love for handicrafts outrightly so because I simply couldn't afford to. I'd be seen wearing Rs.100 machine-printed and made in dingy sweatshop kurtas because I needed to save money. That's how I did my math back then. Now I do it differently with plastic cards of greed.

What I'm trying to say is that, I love all things handicraft and would love nothing more than to support local artisans and rural communities and villages which support such crafts still. There are patrons and buyers too, but there are techniques of art which are very remote and hard to accomplish. And the latter are slowly dying.

When I go to state emporiums and trade fairs, in the Kerala stalls at least, I notice a lot of kasavu saris and clothes (cotton saris with golden borders which are a trademark of Kerala). I'm sure there are more tribal clothing which should also be displayed. Well, where are they? Why aren't their crafts and jewellery displayed? Actually, where are the tribals in Kerala?

Each question poses more questions: Have I made it large? Not a large peg but a large enough problem to be discussed and worked upon? There's nothing more satisfying than to get people uneasy about the problems we face and how best to solve them. Of course, there are a lot more questions and issues in the handicrafts industry which I haven't even touched upon yet: the middleman, the plight of workers, labour wages, working conditions, state's role in supporting them, funds for cottage industries, whether the profits/benefits are reaching the artisans, where to get more artisans from, where to find patronage.... Like I said, loads of questions, so little words, so less time.

If there's anything that you do to support cottage industries your own way, please let me know. If there's anything that pissed you off in the above, thank you, and drop a comment or let me know. I hope I gave you something to think about though.

Why Do We Live by a Beauty Myth?

Naomi Wolf in her book ‘The Beauty Myth’ says, “In assigning value to women in a vertical hierarchy according to a culturally imposed physical standard, it is an expression of power relations in which women must unnaturally compete for resources that men have appropriated for themselves.” There is no better way to realise this than the billion dollar cosmetics industry and the equally widespread fashion industry. If in New York, a woman has the 'freedom' to wear calf-skin Prada boots, a single mother in Seelampur and Manila has to give up hers by spending all the time she can to stitch clothing for the ambitious women of New York.

It's not fair. Pun intended.

Beauty is a factor that really shouldn't have anything to do with your intelligence. However, it does. I read a study which claimed that being beautiful meant that you would be smart too because genetics is on your side.

I think that's a load of crap. I remember watching the episode of "30 Rock" where Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) meets this cute doctor (played by Jon Hamm) who is really handsome and everyone in the world is nice to him and gives him whatever he wants. On the other hand, he is as dumb as....as....well, George W. Bush. I'm not comparing dumb people to rocks or animals as both are smarter than him.

So "30 Rock" showed that while beautiful people may have their way and the world trips over its own laces to follow and praise them, they really can't do shit! (I mean, not all of them would have constipation problems or piles, but I can hope for it, can't I?) The world is built on the toil, burden and humiliation of normal and "ugly" people. If we weren't tortured enough for being dark,weak, being ugly, or fat, or nerdy etc., I don't think we'd have worked even harder to make a name.

While not all of us normal folks have made a name for ourselves, we certainly are the factor, the coal bearers in this cruel cruel world. Without us, there'd be dirty toilets, dishes, garbage everywhere, no fancy apartments,  shit on the road, and no beautiful clothes too.

So while you wear that expensive Prada or Ritu Kumar, bear in mind the labour behind it. The circle of life isn't a song you can sing in a Disney movie and win an Oscar for. It's crap and it's a hell to be stuck in. Think of the woman in Seelampur or fighting her way through the jungle to escape in Maoist villages death and hunger. Think of these not-beautiful thoughts when you think you are not beautiful enough for the world.

New Love Stories Part II

Read Part I here: http://herethis-therethat.blogspot.in/2011/04/new-love-stories.html

The prince searched among his virtual friend list and also in all his friends of friends' list. With all the Photoshopped images as profile pictures, it was hard for him to figure out which one was the girl he had dreamt of. He didn't want to masturbate in the shower by himself again. He needed a girl. But the girls he knew wanted gifts and sex wasn't a topic that was discussed much. Because of his father's religious connections, he only had access to sex workers and (fake) horny daughters of the congregation.

He wanted nothing of them. The prince wanted a girl who loved him for what he was. Who would accept his cute little beer belly and not push him towards dieting and drinking karela (bitter gourd) juice, who wouldn't make him watch Shilpa Shetty yoga videos, and who didn't always run to the diamond section of a jewellery store on a date.

The prince hoped that the girl he dreamt of was nothing like his cruel ex-girlfriends. He hoped that this time round, his heart wouldn't be broken and he would finally find love. Or make her come at least once, as he was good at a hand job.

Making full abuse of his rich father's powers, the prince summoned a sketch artist who had to come running from a suspect sketching section. The prince described in detail the boobs and the ass of the girl of his dreams, adding other tiny details like eyes, nose, face structure etc. With very little to go on, the sketch artist still managed to make a girl and not a Playboy Bunny out of the prince's descriptions. When he showed it to the prince, the prince was ecstatic. "You have it right!" he shouted with joy. "Now I need to just find her."

Luckily for the prince, one of his friend who was an obnoxious asshole but a school mate of PizzaLover123, was visiting him at that exact moment. He instantly recognized from the boobs that the prince was talking about PizzaLover123. That's because the boobs were real and not silicon like the prince and he were used to. The prince's friend gave him all the details of where to find her and what she liked. And that very night, the prince and his friend departed to see PizzaLover123.

Meanwhile in her bedroom, PizzaLover123 was pinning over a poster of Johnny Depp as she kept touching herself. It had been months since she'd seen some action in that region. Her father was always suspicious of the guys she hung out with, so for her winter holidays, she had been staying indoors and watching TV a lot. However, tomorrow, her college would start for the fresh term and she would go back to ogling at the guys from the hotel management institute. There was a paucity of choice as the MBA institute right next to her college was only admitting engineering graduates who were all super horny geeks with no hands-on experience in female anatomy but great interest, however.

Now, we cannot always know what goes on in a girl's mind, and PizzaLover123 was very good at hiding her emotions. Or so she thought. She wanted a lover, a boyfriend, a husband, a friend, a confidante and an honest person. And there was no chance in hell that Jesus was resurrecting anytime in this century. So she had to contend with the choices that life gave her. And these were not always the best of the lot. The ones she was with were infact good people but she could not see beyond their exterior cover, beyond what their hands were capable of doing to her. She could not see what they thought in their minds or how they felt in their heart. She was always reminded of the devil that gave her the highest pleasure and shame.

(More to come in Part III)

Read Part III here: http://herethis-therethat.blogspot.in/2013/02/new-love-stories-part-iii.html

Read Part IV here: http://herethis-therethat.blogspot.in/2013/03/new-love-stories-part-iv.html

Read Part V here: http://herethis-therethat.blogspot.in/2013/03/new-love-stories-part-v.html

Don't Drag Me Down Yet...

There are some days when I'm really happy and I don't have to care about what the world and the people in it are going through. Though these days are few and far in between, I still manage to have days like these at least a couple of times a year. The rest of the days, I'm either too sad to think about anything, or I'm one of the crowd whom other people don't care about. Most of the days, it's the latter.

I learned long ago that life is smokes and mirrors all through and through. Without mincing words, I know that very few people care about what goes in each others' lives even though they might be best of friends. Well, it's human nature to be selfish and it's also becoming the trend. I am one of such people too, after all. I don't care about the lives of people beyond a handful of closest family, friends and "arch" enemies. I find the trifles of other people a burden on my intellect. There seriously are better things in life to do.

Drats then that I'm a sympathetic person. No matter how much I try not to care, I end up caring. In the long run, I don't always remember people and faces nor their stories, but for the time that they know me, I am one of the best-or worst-psychologist/adviser/listener. Of course it depends on what you take of my advise, how you think of me as a person, and what kind of advise I give you.

Most of the times, it's just rehashed things I learnt from Oprah. (God, that woman's wonderful!) But because I care about people in that moment, I try to give as solid an advise as I can. I make sure it's practical, has long-term effects that'll be helpful to the person concerned and it should involve as little anger as possible. The one thing I hate most in this world is anger. Why can't people smile and laugh like children? Learn to be more like them?

We'll always have trouble wherever we go which we can't run away from. Sometimes it bogs you down, sometimes it takes you a long time to recover but there's always an end to it. You need people around you but you can only have people when you care about them. Keep a handful of people close to you for all the protection, security and love you need. At times they'll be irritating as hell, at other times you'll be the ass to them. The one thing to remember is that as long as there's a mutual understanding of that, you're fine. When you sink, people will lend you a hand and pull you up. Just remember to return the gesture when they need a pull-up.

Tried Being a Girl....and I Liked It! ;)

I have always wondered what it's like to be a girl.

Don't get me wrong. I know I am a species of the female gender but beyond that, the identities that one is supposed to identify with, was always a mystery. From what I remember of Sociology in school and Political Science in college, I know that identity is a major part of who we are as a person and plays a vital role in our development, socially and psychologically. Identity differentiates the terrorist from the socialite and helps one understand why people are the way they are.

Which brings us to the question that was always in my mind when I started with my "social life". As a carefree child, identifying with "girldom" was not so important. In fact the mere thought of it didn't even think of crossing my mind. (Thank you Douglas Adams.) So I played like children, got dirty, had my knees scraped to the bone, was thrown out of class for talking a lot and wondered (a lot) about what happens beneath a skirt and what lives inside pants.

When I started watching television and saw the characters and the cliches, I wondered how girls are. What are they made of? (Sugar and spice and everything nice?) What do they like? Why do they talk in cryptic tongues? Why did they get sad or happy suddenly? Why did they need men?

All this is very interesting when viewed from an anthropological perspective. As an embedded observer, I did get quite a lot of insight from unsuspecting girl friends, their friends and sworn enemies. I came up with a lot of theories which were proven right and then wrong. The research took years and everything that I thought was "the answer" would sometimes not apply. No hypothesis was the final one. My own knowledge was constantly questioned and doubted upon. And I always thought, "How could I be wrong?"

Well as it turns out, you are only as good a scientist when you know you are one. Before that, you are a researcher constantly coming up with data and analysis but not getting to the point. On the subject of girls, science takes a back seat but everything has to be viewed logically. Logic and reason are key factors that govern the lives of girls. I realize that general thought doesn't support that but it's true. Girls think multiple times of the consequences of their actions. Which is why they are a mystery to the people who take split second decisions easily.

And then I thought, being logical comes easy to me, why doesn't being a girl?

The answer: Don't overthink it.

We're people as well, a little higher on the IQ ladder than our peers and with loads of experience. We're also prone to using our brains to their limit which is why analysis is easy. It's just that our expertise has been used in areas like making the correct amount of food for a family that can last two days without wastage. And I also managed to figure out the skirts and pants issue,  in the end :) In that department too, I advise: Don't overthink it.

Well I tried being a girl and it was fun. I tried to not think too hard and I got the chance to clear my mind a bit. While my analytic side bores some people to death, my girly side gives people a good time as well. The attempt to be the best of both worlds is not easy but it's not so tough either. Also, there's no such thing as a balance. So, I just "apply" different theorem when the occasion demands. God, sometimes science is fun! And being a girl, oh hell yeah!