25, Single, Looking to Make Werewolf Babies

Of late, I've been thinking that I should really get into this marriage business. It seems like a lucrative idea. Post some random information about yourself online and see how many people believe that whatever has been written is true. Yeah, right! You can't trust newspapers but you will believe every word written in such sites. How.... Well.

So, anyways, back to the matrimonial sites and the marriage business. The past two years were spent attending weddings of family, colleagues, and backstabbing friends who had sworn to remain single so that the desperate ones in the group (like yours truly) would not feel bad. It took me some time to get over this shock, awe, and betrayal. I'm glad to say that this year, I've become mature and I finally understand their motives to get married. I totally agree with all you who married and had the displeasure of having me at your wedding. I'm sure you weren't in for the grumpy face and growling voices that I was emanating.

Get over it like I did.

The decision to "join them" because I couldn't "beat them" was tough. But I've always been the bigger person, as my friends will agree. I thought long and hard about the kind of partner I should be looking out for. I've been stalking people in public places as much as I can to see what kind of characteristics and traits I should mention in the "I'm looking for ________ in a partner" column. Trust me, those blanks are hard to fill.

In my quest, I learned some tough lessons. In this world, there are no traits that work the same for two people. What worked for someone didn't necessarily work for another. I had to be really, really specific and not use flowery language that could be misinterpreted or not be interpreted at all. I had to address the completely dumb audience as well as the high-flying ones. After working on numerous lists, below is a snapshot of the profile I finalised.

• Name: Anita Ann Babu
• Nickname: The Babu, Anita the Marvelous, and Captain Amazeballs
• Hobbies (not in any particular order): Excessive sexual role-play, reading, eating, and ignoring dumb people
• Future plans: Complete my "Bitch Magic" certificate course from the Academy for the Totally Mean Bitches, Like Seriously
• Ideal partner: Medium to high libido (race/caste/height/weight/education no bar), should be into cosplay, preferably spermless unless he can give me a werewolf baby
• Ideal wedding destination: Any children's playground in the city (unlimited, free swing rides! Woo!)

Now, you may see this list and say that some of these things are pretty unreasonable. Like my "Bitch Magic" course. Trust me, it's completely real. Everything I have written here is based on truth (mostly, a partial version of the truth). Most important, it is what best describes me and what I am looking for. I don't know if I should add any other categories in this bio. As readers of this blog post, please do advise me if I have missed something important. After all, this is my first time.

In all honesty, I think this is a true portrayal of myself and my abilities. These are the first things I want my future partner to notice about me. I want them to know how open I am to new things and people (not dumb people though). I am a kind and loving person who will take care of them forever (or at least until I get bored). Is it too much to ask for the same in another human being?

Is there anybody out there for me? Will anybody respond to this call for a lifelong partnership?

OK, well realistically, let's dial back down on the "forevers" and "lifelong". Nothing's written in stone, and even that can be wiped clean. But I have high hopes of getting some really good proposals with this bio. I can't wait to post it online and wait for Prince Charmings or Goth Emperors to come knocking.